Let me tell you about our drum captain, who we will call Allen.
Allen is a senior, like me, and joined drumline his freshman year as well. That year, no one on the drumline had ever played the instrument they were on. When he auditioned, he made tenors. Good for you, Allen. I joined maybe 2 weeks later, and was put on 5th bass because I was strong enough to carry it. As a freshman, you don't usually have attitude problems. You don't know how things work quite yet, so you stay more in the shadows than anyone else. By the end of the year, we were just like anyone else in the band.
That winter, he was the snare section leader. The other two guys on snare had been on the line before, but they weren't chosen as section leader because our instructor wanted younger kids to get used to being in charge. You weren't skilled then, Allen. It was just your lucky day.
But you are skilled now. You went to a better marching band for a few months, came back, and became drum captain. I respected you every step of the way.
Last year, I was close friends with 12 of the 14 drummers. The 2 drummers left were me, and you.
This year, I'm lucky to have any of them say a word to me.
Because of you.
Allen disrespects me constantly. He openly hates me, makes fun of me, and rebels against whatever I say (even when the instructor tells me to say it). All of this...in front of the whole band.
If I were still friends with the line, I could deal with him. But every time he pokes fun at me, every time he hurts me...they either join in or sit back and watch.
It hurts a little, you know.
But...our graduated drum major told me that people would give me a hard time. Told me that people would hate me.
I just thought that I'd have my close friends to help me through it.
Thanks for destroying that comfort, Allen.
I wish there was a way to guarantee a fix for this but there really isn't. I do have some suggestions that may help. Because Allen is your equal (and he probably sees himself as your superior) that is not likely to change anytime soon. Consider the people that you respect, and why you respect them. Then do those things for Allen.
ReplyDeleteIt may be hard, but I would suggest things like doing him random acts of service. Little things done in secret that only he would notice. Don't do it so the other kids can see how nice you are to him, just keep it between the two of you. Frankly forgive him for anything and everything he has ever done. He may not deserve it. But that doesn't matter. It hurts you worse to hold a grudge than it hurts him.
A true leader doesn't see him/herself as a superior, but sees him/herself as a servant. Being drum major is really about serving those who hurt you, and loving those who hate you. Unconditionally. When you became drum major you didn't do it for you. You didn't do it because it would be a great status symbol. You did it because you love your band members with every fiber of you being. You did it because you knew you were capable of making a big difference for the better. When the tough times arise, don't lose sight of that.
When Allen is dishing it out to you in public, don't take it. Keep calm and collected. It will be hard. I know what its like to feel like you could lose your temper any second. Depending on the comment and weather or not Miss E is there, you have a few options, 1.) ignore it 2.)make a simple statement of disapproval. be sure not to degrade him at all. Just say something like "I don't appreciate that." or "if we want to help the band, we have to be united." If he continues, don't try to argue. Just 3.) turn him over to Miss E.
I'm sorry this is happening. But getting through it will make you a stronger person. Remember not to take his comments personally. You have can be humble and confident. Don't let him destroy your confidence.